how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
