She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
