I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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