the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
