trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
