You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
