And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
false alarm, still single
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
