these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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