Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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