We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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