Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
