Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
