i wish my penis had a tongue
zippers are such a cool invention
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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