There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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