I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
