I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
