If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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