So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
