6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
