"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
