Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

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(210): View more from Texas

I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside

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(212): View more from New York

You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

(475): View more from Connecticut

Yeah?

(212): View more from New York

Stuck it in his pooper.

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(650): View more from California

Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human

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(714): View more from California

Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.

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(707): View more from California

I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day

(408): View more from California

Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.

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(765): View more from Indiana

We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.

(801): View more from Utah

Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.

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