my phone needs a breathalizer
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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