I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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