i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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