hotel room ftw
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
