It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
