God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
