to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
