FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
