I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
