Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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