Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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