My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
