i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
