And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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