So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
