I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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