dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
