We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
