this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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