I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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