You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
