Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
