I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
