This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
