probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
