wanna go halves on a baby?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
