i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
