What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
