I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
