my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
