Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
