I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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