If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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