I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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