If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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