I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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