when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
