The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
