Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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