I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
