I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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