I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
