sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
