So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
