If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and she was petting her beer can
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
