There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.