she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
