WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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