It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.