I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
