1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
