Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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