i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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