last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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