xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
