I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
