Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
God I need to hump something, right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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