Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
