and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
