I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
