She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am one with the molecules
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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