I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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