he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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