Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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