I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So many bounce houses so little time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
