I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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