Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
