Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm passing your future prison.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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