Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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