Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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